big sur

reading beat poets out loud while walking down Rubenstein, with a book light, in twi-light. so much meter.

third world

"in spiritual matters there really is no "Third World." It's all Third World."
- Dallas Willard

red raw. pry-bar. black eye. blue sky.

the other day, which was yesterday, i turned 31. i went running for 3 hours and 3 minutes; which culminated into the longest run of my lifetime. 18.8miles. let's call it 19. feel like rounding. Speaking of that, i wouldn't mind stumbling upon some old Math text books. i'm older now and that sounds entertaining. free time sounds entertaining. I also wouldn't mind looking like a math teacher. Been gelling my hair for a few months now. maybe 6, and finally Jenna tells me the other day that i look like a mechanic. It wasn't a compliment, but i thought it was. The other reference was Michael Douglas in Wall Street. Also apparently not intended for a compliment. But it is, you know, to me....and i'm feeling pretty great about myself. Even with my blue eye. I'm squinting a bit. i hit myself in the eye today with a pry-bar. I hope it turns black. The past month has been black, like the hole you fall into and forget about the land where you came from. Being a dad again has pushed all my limits. Including and not limited to my perception of goodness. Eden has super-sized it. all my girls have. been also raw. red raw, like the rash on my backside from running too long. strangely, i feel the angst encouraging athletic prowess. If you saw me exasperated and texting on E street, i was updating Jenna on my progress as the hill crept up, "E St. Oh hell!" Augustella wore a pink sweatshirt today and pounded nails alongside of me with a plastic hammer - while covered in dirt. . Her mind must have been bending when i showed that she now had access to jon and emily's yard. She disappeared and then reappeared sucking on some blue plastic propane lid that i'd never seen before. what a scavenger. we tore that fence down together, and despite the unpleasant weight of living i feel semblance of something that seems like building blocks.
red raw. pry bar. black eye. blue sky.

what does a t-shirt sales have to do with the kingdom of God?

goldilocks.

welcome to the land of the living. it's a wonder that we're here at all. astronomers call this the "goldilocks principle" ... meaning that we inhabit a floating mass orbiting a star at just the right distance. not too hot...not too cold. just enough zam for hydrogen and oxygen and beating hearts. and in this time and place, our thump and thud fight the atmosphere we call home for survival. pressure and pain squeeze the daylights out of all our laws and intentions. the struggle is not just the anomaly of life, it's to actually be alive.

song bird

there's a blue bird outside my window
there's a dirty man drinking whiskey and flirting with words
everything is left out on the kitchen table
empty bottles like fallen bowling pins
for me to clean up
it's time to get moving
enough is enough
life is blooming
despite all us perverts
being stingy with faith like it's a watering hose
we are the mess in living
in regeneration we are the cure
in my house jesus wrestles the devil
and still apathy seems to rule
there's a voice outside my window
a singer looking for songs
a family holding babies
a new atmosphere being formed

42.5 minutes with griffin house

i went running the other day with griffin house for 42.5 minutes. the urge to continue some kind of outlet or expression came pounding. so i ran 9 miles into the sunset with Augustella yapping in the stroller. the fall walked in with it's chill and encouraged a solid rash on my upper thigh. i figured that was a good place to start.

weight

God took the burden of man upon himself and it weighted him to the ground.
- D. Bonhoeffer