seventeen dayz of phrase
january eleven, two thousand and ten - portland, oregon
Mothers cafe is closed on Mondays. We ended up at morning star cafe with a specialty breakfast bowl consisting of everything - hash browns, egg whites, cheddar cheese, gravy and salsa verde. I continue to find life interesting. I travel with musicians who actually live off of their songs and bump shoulders with published authors. I read incredibly enriching thoughts and stories - and yet struggle to finish my own sentences. I'm lamenting nothin'. It's just good irony. My life is serene and I enjoy the crippling fight of creating.
I passed a woman at a bus stop today listening to head phones and seriously shakin'. When she saw me, she shook harder. I didn't know if I was supposed to look or not and I wasn't sure if she was hoping that I reciprocate the rhythm. Funny how powerfully that image correlates with kerouac's sentiment, "make love to your life." (Which sought me out in powells). Jack talks about enjoying the lowest lows and the skyline highs of our existence. That resonates with me. I'd like to linger on it. Drag it in and exhale.
Monday, January 11, 2010
seventeen days of phrase, medford, oregon
seventeen dayz of phrase
january ten, two thousand and ten - medford, or
Medford oregon reminds me of galway ireland with it's kindred haze. And its affection for gray. The perk of traveling in a bus is sleep. The down side is that you arrive behind tinted windows, blindfolded. I'm reminded of this holiday life tours where we saw every rolling hill with every bit of our weary red eyes. There's nothing like a rising sun over a desperate terrain. I took a break from intentionality to watch the green bay packers get sacked from the playoffs in an overtime shoot out. Been feeling like I have nothing interesting to say, so it's hard to keep writing. But I think that's my sanity in this life, to keep writing and questioning and pleading with the things I see and feel and struggle to understand. And maybe in doing that, an ancient newness will awaken in me. And creep out through me. I keep thinking about augustella and Eden and praying that they'll see beautiful things in their life span and they'll call it that, yet never let it quench them. That thru hunger and sweat they'd uncover substantive truths like peeling covers off a mattress. Plato holding hands with Hegel. Kierkegaard fondling Hegel.
There's a dude that came to the show tonight suited in musical fatigues with a six string guitar slung around his shoulder. My dad used to take me to see the Houston astros play as a kid. I'd wear my little league uniform. I love that dude cos You never know when you're gonna be called into battle.
january ten, two thousand and ten - medford, or
Medford oregon reminds me of galway ireland with it's kindred haze. And its affection for gray. The perk of traveling in a bus is sleep. The down side is that you arrive behind tinted windows, blindfolded. I'm reminded of this holiday life tours where we saw every rolling hill with every bit of our weary red eyes. There's nothing like a rising sun over a desperate terrain. I took a break from intentionality to watch the green bay packers get sacked from the playoffs in an overtime shoot out. Been feeling like I have nothing interesting to say, so it's hard to keep writing. But I think that's my sanity in this life, to keep writing and questioning and pleading with the things I see and feel and struggle to understand. And maybe in doing that, an ancient newness will awaken in me. And creep out through me. I keep thinking about augustella and Eden and praying that they'll see beautiful things in their life span and they'll call it that, yet never let it quench them. That thru hunger and sweat they'd uncover substantive truths like peeling covers off a mattress. Plato holding hands with Hegel. Kierkegaard fondling Hegel.
There's a dude that came to the show tonight suited in musical fatigues with a six string guitar slung around his shoulder. My dad used to take me to see the Houston astros play as a kid. I'd wear my little league uniform. I love that dude cos You never know when you're gonna be called into battle.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
seventeen dayzs of phrase - san francisco, ca
seventeen dayz of phrase
january nine, two thousand and ten - san francisco, ca
oily streets! breakfast crepes! dudes in dumpsters.
Friday, January 8, 2010
seventeen dayzs of phrase - reno, nevada
seventeen days of phrase
january eight, two thousand and ten - reno, nv
reno-vation of the heart.
if anyone jumps on NorthWest flight 3700 from Green Bay, Wisconsin to Roanoke Virginia, check the the seat pocket of 6A. Amongst peanut wrappers and vomit bags you should find my copy of Renovation of the Heart (Dallas Willard), playing hide and seek from the world. In it, you'd find a few love letters never delivered, some scat, a few cohesive lines - almost poetry, a lot of scribble, a prayer journal, the etchings of a business plan for a wine and coffee bar called "the prancing pony" and a lot of dog eared pages colored with coffee stains.
so i wake up in reno, trying to find another copy, but am contented to discover that i had my brother's 'Spirit of the Disciplines,' so i feel like i've got some good soul ammunition alongside all the prose hidden under my pillow. i've got a library in my bunk that i'll probably never get thru, but it feels good to sleep on top of gutherie, walt whitman and sir arthur conan doyle. please quote me on that.
i came across this one, which felt particularly apt to my life as i assess what in myself is rooted in goodness and what's worth destroying.
"There are many people i know who possess a vision of personal evolution yet seem to lack the will for it. The want and believe it is possible, to skip over the discipline, to find an easy shortcut to sainthood. Often they attempt it by simply imitating the superficialities of saints, retiring to the dessert or taking up carpentry. Some even believe that by such imitation they have really become saints and prophets, and are unable to acknowledge that they are still children and face the painful fact that they must start at the beginning and go through the middle."
- m. scott peck
cheers to the middle, from the way of the beginning. cheers to reno-vation. speaking of destroyed, reno is wrecked. all the casinos dash circa 1970's with vacant chairs swiveling in front of slot machines. white lights are bashing amongst baize buildings while white-haired dudes in wranglers hold hands with their high school sweet hearts, reminiscing on years of youth, decades ago. other than star bucks they're are no updates. makes me wonder what kind of black jack tables are sitting in my walls accompanied by filthy gamblers with greasy hair ash-ing cigar butts onto the floor of my soul.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
seventeen dayzs of phrase
seventeen dayz of phrase
january seven, two thousand and ten
in two days i'm gonna be homesick as a hound dog who ain't ever caught a rabbit and who ain't no friend of mine. Caught between 'wide awake and it's morning' and 'it is well with my soul.'. Saying a salvation prayer at 4:30 in the am in a rental car north bound with all those red lights coming in thru my red eyes under the california twilight. I gave god my heart, again and felt a pulse of hope in an atropheed faith. .. one that needs exercise. He'll be there with augustella when she cries out hysterically in the middle of the night and with Eden as she scans the room for a familiar face to smile back at. He'll give Jenna wit and audacity as she steers the mother ship...he'll bring her venti no water chai latte's in the morning to replentish and recharge. I put it all in a bag with a red, white and blue parachute and then jumped out of a plane at 10000 feet. I'm not sure what happens when I pull the chord....but it's time to grow up and start believing in the things I believe in.
"Christianity has not so much been tried and found wanting, as it has been found difficult and left untried"
- g. k. chesterton
Saturday, December 26, 2009
P.D.T
DEC 9, 2008
An amazing soul took me to a basement hot dog stand outside of Brooklyn. He took a phone call in a phone booth that hasn't worked in 40 years. His eyes shifted then the back wall of the phone booth opened into another room. A lady in a black dress peered around and said' "how many?.". Behind her, an old world bar was thriving. You could smell the ale and rye as the low lights and conversation swooped out the door and into taste buds, with allure. We drank old Fashions and toasted to a city with an incredible heritage. God is alive in the pain of saints. His shadow is all over the contour of our struggle for existence. i'm thankful for dudes like rusty ralston. i'm grateful for bars titled with code acronyms P.D.T (Please Don't Tell) hidden behind phone booth's with secret entrances that emanate espionage. i'm thankful to have a drink with great pal and a good one at that on my road to wholeness.
what an amazingly vibrant city - a home to poets and artists, entrepreneurs and CEO's with in-gorged infastructures. whatever that means! a place where subways are groaning in the undercurrents and fashion is buzzing on the pavement - a place where i was confused as a homeless man and a gap employee in the same 30 minutes.
An amazing soul took me to a basement hot dog stand outside of Brooklyn. He took a phone call in a phone booth that hasn't worked in 40 years. His eyes shifted then the back wall of the phone booth opened into another room. A lady in a black dress peered around and said' "how many?.". Behind her, an old world bar was thriving. You could smell the ale and rye as the low lights and conversation swooped out the door and into taste buds, with allure. We drank old Fashions and toasted to a city with an incredible heritage. God is alive in the pain of saints. His shadow is all over the contour of our struggle for existence. i'm thankful for dudes like rusty ralston. i'm grateful for bars titled with code acronyms P.D.T (Please Don't Tell) hidden behind phone booth's with secret entrances that emanate espionage. i'm thankful to have a drink with great pal and a good one at that on my road to wholeness.
what an amazingly vibrant city - a home to poets and artists, entrepreneurs and CEO's with in-gorged infastructures. whatever that means! a place where subways are groaning in the undercurrents and fashion is buzzing on the pavement - a place where i was confused as a homeless man and a gap employee in the same 30 minutes.
tile floor
DEC. 6, 2006
the first step is a doosey. i blacked out at 4 am on a tile floor while trying to pee. ever since, i've been off. out of body. aquarium eyes. people look into me, little fish swim around seeking composure, no one looks out. i got a run in yesterday and that was to me an accomplishment. maybe i can shake this feeling of panic by routines and disciplines. i'm still not ready for a drink, but i sure want one.
virginia sends its love.
the first step is a doosey. i blacked out at 4 am on a tile floor while trying to pee. ever since, i've been off. out of body. aquarium eyes. people look into me, little fish swim around seeking composure, no one looks out. i got a run in yesterday and that was to me an accomplishment. maybe i can shake this feeling of panic by routines and disciplines. i'm still not ready for a drink, but i sure want one.
virginia sends its love.
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